


» Bellamy Blake |Infertile reader|

by fxlminare



Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [70]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Headcanon, Infertility, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25551067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fxlminare/pseuds/fxlminare
Summary: “hc with Bellamy for infertile reader?”
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Reader
Series: BELLAMY BLAKE COLLECTION [70]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2110968
Comments: 2
Kudos: 4





	» Bellamy Blake |Infertile reader|

**Author's Note:**

> **a/n:** this was heartbreaking; please, if this is a delicate topic for you, do not read this. I'll see you at the next piece. Stay safe ♥

╼ You had wanted kids for a long time now and meeting Bellamy, you knew he was the one and you both knew that, eventually, you wanted to build your own family.

╼ So, when the time for peace finally got to your doors, you started to try.

╼ First, you took out the implant in your arm that they put on you when coming down and then you, well, had sex with the aim of getting pregnant.

╼ You really wanted kids, Bellamy did too, so neither of you really had a problem going at it.

╼ Until you started to think something was not working as it should; I mean, you knew, what were the chances you'd be trying so many times and not... conceiving? After months?

╼ So you went to speak with Doctor Griffin, who was quick to sit down with you to get some background details as soon as she saw you truly wanted this.

╼ And then you got some tests done.

╼ Bellamy did too.

╼ And then, the results came in.

╼ Not happy results; definitively not what you wanted to hear. Bellamy was okay but you... you had a hard time wrapping your head around it: you were infertile.

╼ You felt your heart shattering as the news hit your ears.

╼ You wanted to scream, to break something, to throw a tantrum and demand whoever had come up with those results to run the tests again.

╼ And then you could only think of crying, curling up in bed and not moving for weeks if you had a saying in it.

╼ You wanted this so badly, how could the universe do this to you? The one thing you wanted... and you couldn't have.

╼ It broke Bellamy's heart too; he wanted kids, yes, but his heart broke especially because he knew how much you wanted this and how hard this had hit you.

╼ He shot running after you after you got the news; he'd be damned to leave you alone at a time like this. He wished it was him.

╼ It was really hard for you, you felt sad and an immense amount of pain; sure, you weren't hurt physically per se, but what you were feeling was truly strong. You were mourning something you craved deeply but wouldn't get the chance to have.

╼ He found you crying uncontrollably in bed, closing the door and jumping in bed immediately with you; he didn't know what to say but he knew the typical 'it'll be okay' would be a terrible mistake, so he simply laid there, allowing you to hide your face in his chest as he felt his tears rolling down his eyes too.

╼ You spent a solid week in kind of isolation from the world, mourning together.

╼ _"I'm sorry."_

╼ Your vulnerable voice made Bellamy worry, looking down at you, rubbing your cheek; he knew exactly what you meant and he felt horrible about it.

╼ _"This is not your fault, Y/N; we are together in this, please, do not apologize." "But if I..." "Not your fault."_

╼ And he was right; I mean, it's not like you could actually control it. He just hated that you were blaming yourself, that was the last thing he wanted.

╼ You eventually found the strength to talk about it and Bellamy was nothing but the caring person you fell for, listening to you, being a shoulder to cry on...

╼ You were tremendously thankful for Bellamy. He was doing all in his hand to help you (and himself) through this; you knew he was feeling crushed too, so you struggled with words for some time. But the most important aspects were there: he didn't ask you to relax, he didn't minimize the situation and he sure as hell made sure no one around you said a wrong word anywhere near you.

╼ After the sad phase, you moved on to the angry one.

╼ You wanted kids so why couldn't you have them? You felt sad and worthless even at times. But you had to pull yourself out of it. You are more than your ability (or lack thereof) of having kids.

╼ Bellamy wanted and tried his best not to put any type of pressure on you nor on himself.

╼ No baby talk, no baby activities around you. You couldn't do that now, not yet, you needed time. Time to make peace with it, you knew you would but it wouldn't happen overnight.

╼ You knew you had to allow yourself to feel it but not to the point it could change who you were. Did you think of drinking to suppress your pain? Yes. But you didn't because you knew it'd only make it worse.

╼ You watched as Bellamy dealt with it too. You knew he was feeling down too but mainly worried about you and, some times, that made you feel worse.

╼ You fought about it. You wanted him to be angry at you, to be angry this was happening, to scream with you, to curse the universe like you did,

╼ And he did, and you did. And, eventually, you ended up crying again in each other's arms under the stars.

╼ Putting your feelings out into the universe made you feel just a bit better.

╼ Just a bit.

╼ Bellamy was always there, lending you an ear, listening to all you had to say -not just hearing, listening, engaging with you when you needed it, analyzing what you were saying, keeping it all in mind-; it made you feel better, knowing he was there with you, a vital pillar of strength and calming aura that you truly needed right now.

╼ The next couple of months were hard, you tried your best to shift your view of your future, focus on something you wanted to do, trying to remind yourself of the many things you could take part in.

╼ You made a list. That helped. A lot.

╼ But, mainly, it helped you remember the main thing you wanted out of this life: to be with Bellamy. Yes, you wanted kids with him but, deep down, you knew he was the number one thing on your list. He'd always be, just like you were his.

╼ You sat down and talked about it, agreeing on keeping on trying and... see how it went.

╼ You knew it wouldn't be easy but you were trying your best to see life through a more optimistic lens than the past four months.

╼ Having Bellamy around had always been the usual but, after the news, you realized he made a point to spend more time with you, more free time, not just when you happened to be patrolling together. He wanted to make sure you were his top priority and you appreciated it deeply, feeling so much less lonely with him.

╼ He always made sure he wasn't being overly supportive, as weird as that sounds; he alway seemed to know exactly what you needed: for him to simply hold you, or take you hand in his, to listen to you, encouraging you when you felt low and looking for information when he saw the answerless questions behind your eyes.

╼ He had been going over all the possibilities you had: you could try following some infertility procedures (he was sure Dr Griffin was going to mention it at some point), choose another way to be parents like taking in one of the many kids the wars had left orphan or... well, accept the possibility of not having kids.

╼ After another six months or so he went to speak with Abby about it one very early morning, leaving you sound asleep after you went to sleep crying in his arms. You had had one of the more complicated days and you had broken at night, sadness taking over you again. You had gotten better but, still, you had days were the world seemed to be laughing at you.

╼ You hadn't stopped trying but, every month, once your period came and the reminder of your condition felt like was being rubbed all over your face, you went into a deep mourning process again.

╼ Abby mentioned a couple of treatments, trying to give Bellamy some pointers to help you with your pain (mental) through it.

╼ Bellamy went back to your room, going over everything he knew; knowing he had to finally bring it all up, knowing you couldn't keep going like this.

╼ Each month was as if you lost yourself again. It wasn't fair for you. He knew you were dealing with it, a bit at a time and he was so proud of you, seeing how you were slowly coming out of the dark hole.

╼ He also knew that even before actually considering adopting a kid, you had to mourn the loss of the baby you thought you'd have. He had to be honest with himself; he had to mourn too.

╼ So he simply went back to bed with you, pulling you to his chest and kissing your head, sighing as he closed his eyes, hoping for better days for both of you to come.

╼ It was a long, painful, rocky process. I mean, you were seeing people around you with kids, you were seeing other couples getting pregnant; it was kind of hard to grieve in peace when you were surrounded by all you wanted and couldn't have.

╼ But Bellamy was right by your side through it all, ready to catch you if your knees so much as trembled in the slightest.

╼ Whatever you chose to do in the future, he'd be right there with you. Until the end of the line.

╼ Because yes, you wanted to build a family together but that family started with the two of you. His family started with you and he'd be okay if it had to be just the two of you.

╼ You eventually started to see that same light Bellamy had seen a couple of months before you; the light that reminded you that he was your family. And you were his. And a family of two is a complete family.

╼ The pain of loosing what you never had would always be there but having each other made it just that much easier. Through the highs and the lows.

**Author's Note:**

> Reading the full request broke my heart through my research and seeing and reading so many stories of people going through this gave me hope; a smile some even.
> 
> **.Hope everyone's okay.**  
> 


End file.
